faith and feelings are companions, but they are vastly different. faith is what promts your actions, feelings follows through. faith can exist and chart a course of action even when feelings run contrary. you can keep waiting on the lord, towards unknown, in spite of feelings. faith made it happen.

i was barely prepared, being wheeled in 1 hour early friday morning for my op, only to wait outside for almost 2 hours before dr kam came. every moment of waiting my fear heightened and my faith was tested even more.

the 10 nurses and doctors and a very suave radiographer in the op theatre joked about earrings, schools, sports, sg idol, their medical equipments, so the atmosphere was a little less tense. still i cried and cried like a big baby until i finally fell asleep.

vaguely remember the wires and tubes and tvs and injections =/ how my GA wasnt even administered totally, and i woke up 3/4 times asking dr ang to let me sleep again but i couldnt cos they needed my response sometimes. the LA at my thigh made me numb for 6 hours and that really sucked balls. it was so freaking uncomfortable!

ive developed a thing for doctors with stethoscopes around their necks. smart-looking, and the air of superiority around them. whoosh..! next time if im one too i'll hang a few more around my neck.

and i love the nurses. all of them. they made me laugh and they helped me with the bedpan, talked to me, were so glad i was discharged. the entire ward 44 bunch of nurses.

to my before-and-after-op groups of friends who came,
wb since morning, yukuan and rest of churchies, so much support and prayers this entire period! emerald for the book. puiyee/shihui for pretty flowers. my squadmates, so so many of you came down and surrounded my bed. even the nurses commented about it! to cham =)) to my sirs. my cousins overseas and local, the adults and grandpa =) the home visits on sat by the hockers esp jy who played piano 1 night before my op and made me cry! =D few from s34 visited too. yingxiu, kelvin, karen =)

others who wished, or called, or cared, thank you!

and xueli, who popped in during her a&e break during night shirt at 1am, sat next to me and smiled at me in the DARK, made me scream out in shock.. =) the night view is pretty there. still i couldnt really sleep.

bottomline goes- ive known everything there is to christianty since young, the way to live my life, but i just never had the passion to do it. during this period ive grown a little with the help of church friends and family. life on earth is temporal. and im okay, its okay. and i know, that as i focus on god's healing, the recovery phrase and future trainings will be just fine.


cellgroup!


hockers =)


happiness.


and may i thank you,
for all the changes you made for me,
days you stuck through with me,
bless all thats ahead of us.

intact.